This is not typical talk therapy.

Stage 1

Once I have a sense of what's going on in your life and the beliefs that make you feel stuck, I'm going to ask you to drop your awareness out of your head and into your body. This is where your real feelings live.

Sensations like tension, heaviness, butterflies, jitteryness, and achiness are your body's way of signaling something is wrong. Together, we will begin decoding these signals. As we do this, you may feel some anxiety. This is normal. All that “good” behavior is the old way you've used, unconsciously, to avoid these feelings. As you begin to access them again, I will show you how to actually soothe and tend to them, instead of avoid them with hard work and caring for others.

Your emotions and body sensation provide a map to guide you toward more of what feels wholesome and right for you, and away from experiences that are toxic, depleting, or self-betraying.

As you learn to listen to your feelings, you give yourself the opportunity to rewire your brain, discovering through lived experience that having feelings is not a bad thing. You're not having a breakdown. You're having a breakthrough.

Stage 2

Once you have access to this key information, we may begin looking at ways to communicate your boundaries safely and effectively. Anxiety may come up at this point too. This is also normal. If pleasing others has helped you feel safe and connected in relationships, it can feel risky to displease them.

We will have plenty of time to listen to any fears around disappointing people so you can soothe and tend those feelings. Then we can rehearse possible ways to communicate clearly and effectively without over-explaining, justifying, shaming, blaming, or getting upset. We can explore likely responses from others, and how you might want to handle those responses — so you feel prepared and ready. And, you don't have to set those boundaries until you are truly ready.

We may spend even more time setting boundaries with your inner critic than we do with others. This part might need a lot of help knowing that you can be safe, secure, and well respected/liked, without having to push or bully yourself anymore. You can teach this part to tell you what it's afraid of, instead of being mean to you.

Stage 3

Honoring and soothing your feelings and setting boundaries are both forms of cherishing. But they are just the beginning. Cherishing yourself comes, not from grand gestures (though if you want to take yourself on a world tour, go for it!), but from small, daily practices that make you feel loved. This might be spending time in nature, using your PTO for mental health days, taking classes, or just having your own permission to nap when you're tired.

Together we can explore activities that make you feel cherished. More than that, we will look at the attitude you hold toward yourself as you do this part of the work. If it's perfunctory and you don't really feel the care, it won't work. And, there may be parts of you that reject receiving your own kindness and warmth — parts that believe it's “indulgent” or “weak” to need and want to feel cherished. If these fear-of-love type feelings arise, we will work with them, bringing in your soothing skills so it becomes safe to receive love, care, nurturing, and support.

As you get comfortable being cherished from within, you will likely discover that it gets easier to receive cherishing, support, and nurturing from others. And, the answer to that question, “When will it be my turn?” will be answered, “Now!”