Boundaries in Midlife

You've always been responsible, dependable, reliable. But it's never felt reciprocal. So you're also resentful. And now in midlife, you're exhausted.

Still, you worry you'll hurt people's feelings, disappoint them, or be seen as selfish. So you keep saying yes when you long to say no.

But midlife is calling you to live more authentically, to prioritize your own needs. And that's a very good thing.

This might feel familiar:

• You wish others would see all you do and nurture you in return - or at least show some appreciation
• Asking for what you want feels scary - and that's if you even know what you want
• You fantasize about going on a retreat - and never coming back
• When you do set boundaries, it's usually because you've gotten so frustrated that it comes out with fury, and you seem a tiny bit irrational

There's a reason you're angry

Your anger is a signal that you need to set boundaries. But you need help learning how to:

• Identify your needs
• Express your frustration safely, alone or in therapy, so you can communicate without hostility
• Set effective, enforceable limits instead of telling people how they make you feel, hoping they will respond with compassion and behavior change

How therapy can help

If self help tools haven't worked, it's probably time to look at the anxiety that comes up when you want to set a boundary. I call this, "anger-xiety." It's the fear that you will get into some kind of trouble for saying no.

Together we can learn how saying no made you feel like you'd be in trouble. Then, you might do a little inner child work to rewire those self-limiting beliefs about communicating your needs and limits.

And, we will work on real skill-building, finding the language you need to express yourself clearly, firmly, and kindly, without caving or avoiding confrontation.