Healing Codependency
"Thank you for teaching me how to value myself. Before we started, I didn't even know I was looking for that value to come from everyone else - and feeling hurt and resentful when it didn't. Now I'm the one who loves me best. I'm the one I depend on. And I'm very dependable!"
Do you find yourself...
- Saying yes when you really want to say no?
- Offering to help when you're too tired or too busy?
- Befriending people who are not a great fit for you?
- Tolerating behavior in others that leaves you feeling hurt, criticized, or unappreciated?
- Simmering with resentment?
These are all signs of codependent behavior.
Codependency is a strategy we develop - often as kids - to get our needs met. We discover that being helpful and easygoing gets us a little more of the care we need. So we become helpful, often at our own expense.
As adults, we tend to attract friends and partners who are stuck, needy, or dependent in some way. We recognize in them our own wish to be taken care of. And we empathize - maybe too much. We end up giving them the care we long for - hoping the golden rule will apply, and they will take care of us in return.
If only that worked.
I would love to help you let go of this old strategy and learn to give the wonderful care you've been giving away - to your very own self.
We might work on letting go of the belief that:
- it's selfish to put your needs first
- it's mean to let others figure things out for themselves
- your value lies in what you do for others
- you will be "in trouble" for disappointing people
This shift from self-neglect to self-nurturing is at the heart of the work I do. You'll learn to become your own source of security, self-esteem, and even joy.
Together, we will celebrate all the steps you take - big and small - as you learn to cherish yourself and value yourself the way you really needed when you were little. Along the way, you may end up, not just valuing yourself, but deeply loving this person who takes such good care of you.
It would be an honor and a pleasure to mentor and coach you in this journey of learning to love yourself.